My Life As a Mother, Wife, Cook, Janitor, etc. :) or in other words I am needing to RAMBLE...Hope it makes sense

I am up so early in the morning. Can't sleep and have so much running through my brain. If you choose to read on go right ahead. This is more for my benefit and may not make much sense.............Yesterday was one of those days when I thought I would lose my mind. The girls are in school during the days and the boys are home with me. I love my children to pieces, but they can also drive me mad. In the morning I had to go purchase some things. The store that we went to has lots of drawers and as the woman was helping me with my purchase my boys preceded to open and SLAM every drawer in the place. I was trying to carry things and run after my 4 year old and 2 year old. When I entered the dressing area with them, they both started to scream and cry saying they wanted to get out. I was in the middle of changing while they were trying to open the door on me. The story goes on. What should have been a 20 minute trip ended up being an hour trip. I wanted to SCREAM!!!
I have days where I feel happy and I have days where I feel down and don't get much accomplished. So those of you who have been to my home on a regular basis know that it is far from perfect (the way that I would like it to be :) ). I am working towards that perfection though. I believe that there is an importance in having order in my home. A good portion of the time it can look like a hurricane went through it. On occasion there is organization and when there is I am so very happy and stress relieved. When it is upside down I want to pull my hair out and scream and I become less of the mother I would like to be. Life for me, like all of us, is full of daily struggles. But on rare ocassion I soak in those blissful days that are so few and far between. Those days when my children listen right away, when every room in the house has order, when everyone's clothes are put away, when I have dinner ready at a decent hour (preferrably before 7:00). I really believe that our thoughts have a lot to do with the happy state we could be in. Therefore, instead of getting frustrated about the amount of laundry I have to do for 6 people I have been training myself to think more positive about it. To try and love every minute of it. To realize that my children will grow up faster than I realize. You might think I am crazy, but laundry is starting not to be a bother to me. It is something that brings me joy and satisfaction now. Almost to the point that I think one day I will miss doing laundry for the masses. Did I just say what I think I said? :)
Now if I can just get a grip on the rest of my home and be more positive about it. I am starting a project right now where I am taking on each room in the house. This project will probably take me a couple of months. I am working on purging and simplifying. For example when my grandmother past away, I received alot of her yarn she used for knitting, etc. and thought I would take on that hobby as she did. A year has past and I have not made one single thing. So I have decided that I will donate the yarn to maybe a nursing home or hospital or something, somewhere where it can bring enjoyment to someone instead of letting it sit in my closet and doing nothing with it. One day when I really take on that type of project I will buy yarn.
I am so far from perfect and know that I can't be, but have this perfect image in my mind of who I want to be and the potential I know I have. Maybe if I stop being so hard on myself my home will fall into place and so will life. I truly love being a mother and wife. I am just plagued with negative thinking. I took on the laundry battle and WON. Now for the rest of my life and home. One day at a time, changing the way I think and do things. That is what it is going to take.